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As a follower of the Jesus of history – as best he can be known – I often spend time contemplating the wonderful paradoxes of his teaching. I even see paradox where he might not have intended it to be found. For instance, I love his teaching about only focusing on today, which, he claimed, has enough problems of its own. If one thing is true, certainly it’s the idea that none of us knows what tomorrow holds. Things change. Quickly. Radically. And not always for what we perceive to be ‘the better.’
For those of us who tend to first think and respond via the ego, the false-self, I think there is true irony in living for today; the one place the ego doesn’t do well is in the present moment. It takes a past and a future for the ego to really sow its self-centered seeds of fear, anxiety and displacement.
Loss, for the ego, is equal to death. It’s as if its entire modus operandi is to convince us that we’ll live forever, our way is the right way, our values are the correct ones, ad infinitum. And this is a problem, at least for me, because I tend to react more often than I respond, which is surely the way of the false-self. It’s just the way I seem to be hardwired. Perhaps you can relate.
In light of this, I found the following quote helpful: “…contemplating impermanence cuts through our attachments without leading to detachment; recognizing life’s fragility can wake us up, inspiring us to let go of petty desires and to give each moment wholly over to what’s most essential. The ego defends against awareness of impermanence; cultivating such awareness can lead us beyond the ego’s boundaries and defenses to a deeper and more satisfying level of connection with life and with others” (Dr. Lorne Ladner, The Lost Art of Compassion).
Ego and the idea of impermanence are like oil and water – they don’t mix. And so we resist contemplating our own deaths or the death of others – even the dog! We go about our days willingly wearing blinders to all things ‘impermanent.’ Yet as we do this, we may just be failing to live deeply into all that we truly love and value.
For instance, when we not only contemplate but embrace the impermanence of all that we believe ourselves to be (along with all that surrounds us) we come to appreciate them so much more. In this the ego’s fears and desires are released. Facing loss, we find love. We find LIFE.
By embracing the reality of impermanence, on the worst of days we can find peace, compassion and appreciation for ourselves and others and even the day-to-day struggles we sometimes feel are unbearable. By embracing impermanence we make peace with ‘what is’ – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Look in the mirror. What you see will die, it’s just a matter of time and it will be gone. Now look around you – the same fate awaits all that you see. By using the ‘eye of the Spirit’ to view these things, what you’ll actually discover is not an increased detachment from them, but an increased awareness of their beauty, giftedness and enormous worth in the present moment. Subsequently you’ll find yourself loving others more deeply and intentionally. And you might just find that you see yourself differently as well… even to the extent that you begin to invest yourself more intentionally in all things ‘life.’ As we make this a daily practice we might be surprised at how much inner space is created for us to love and to be a part of Love.
Yep, it’s a paradox but, facing loss, we find Love.
6 comments to “Facing Loss, We Find Love”
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Excellent post Tim!…especially the last paragraph! With all that has been going on recently in my extended family, this “reminder” has been an encouragement! Thanks!
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Thanks Tim. “[...] react more often than I respond, which is surely the way of the false-self [...]” I understand and can relate. But I also see how reacting can sometimes be more true self and response more false self. This is true for me when my carefully planned and thought out responses are designed to conceal my true feelings. When I react I’m generally expressing my true thoughts and feelings. They may not always make sense, to me and to others. But most times they’re more real than my responses.
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JUST what I’m needing to hear today. toDAY. Now. Here.
‘Specially:
“…contemplating impermanence cuts through our attachments without leading to detachment; recognizing life’s fragility can wake us up, inspiring us to let go of petty desires and to give each moment wholly over to what’s most essential. ”
“Subsequently you’ll find yourself loving others more deeply and intentionally. And you might just find that you see yourself differently as well… even to the extent that you begin to invest yourself more intentionally in all things ‘life.’”
and MOST ‘specially:
“Facing loss, we find love. We find LIFE.”
Staggeringly true.
Thank you, Tim.
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Tim,
This brings me to to dealing with the “Repression” of the Ego. This is the heart of the Social perception that labeled “Evil.” I am becoming more willing to face my today, and not restricted to live in the attachment of yesterday, or the perceived fright of the future.
Very helpful Tim. Your sentence “I tend to react more often than I respond, which is surely the way of the false-self” was nearly lived out last night.in my living room. I had a group of people over, discussing your last post “Never Mind”. There was one bro in the room whom I dearly love but am in such a different place than he. He was reacting in a predictably adverse way towards our discussion and especially when we started talking about a dual mindset and viewing the world through the eyes of right or wrong, good or evil. I was ready to “pounce” with a reaction rather than a response but thankfully there was another couple there who used that discussion as a segue to explain their take on the subject through a dramatic healing that has taken place in their marriage. My “reaction” was diverted and I learned a great lesson to relax and respond. There is much more to this but I sometimes forget this is a public forum so I’ll leave it at that. I really enjoy the comments on here from others as much as the post itself.