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I hear a lot from motivational speakers these days about creating a ‘new you’ and setting the right habits today to ensure a better tomorrow, etc. That’s all well and good, I suppose, and who among us couldn’t benefit from taking inventory of our daily habits to see which ones should be kept versus jettisoned? I know I wasn’t always as diligent about this as I am now.
However, before addressing today and how to set the proper trajectory for our tomorrows, my question would be, “can we really facilitate new creation within ourselves for moving forward without first getting a new past?” If you’re thinking “that’s impossible, the past is past – it is what it is” – then perhaps we’ve discovered an area worth exploring.
Here are the facts. The past is no longer real. It’s gone. It isn’t present. And it will never be present again. And to live in the past – whether reliving the ‘good ole days’ or the ‘nightmares on Elm Street’ – is to live an illusion.
It follows, then, that the way you frame your past is entirely up to you – 100% – you are the author of the story, not anybody else. It’s your past, so don’t surrender it to the redaction of another!
To say you have a horrible past, for instance, is just a story; only a way of framing the remembered events (that are no longer present and therefore real) of your life. Even if there are ongoing consequences!
For instance, not long ago my wife and I were in a near-fatal motorcycle accident. A young girl on the wrong side of the road in a pickup truck, on a barren stretch of Montana highway, turned directly in front of us. We were travelling 65mph with no time to react before impact. The fact we survived was a miracle. There have been and will continue to be lasting affects to deal with each day for the rest of our lives.
I received 10 broken ribs along with a broken collar bone, shoulder blade and head trauma. I had a collapsed lung and tubes had to be inserted into my chest at the scene to avert the collapse of my heart. My left leg was severely damaged and portions of it will never again regain feeling…plus, as you can imagine, I left a tad bit of DNA in some farmer’s field! (Part of me wants to return to the scene a few years from now at harvest time – it could be like Children of the Corn but it’ll be my kids growing in the field! No..?) My wife, Gwynne, miraculously had no broken bones but was left with severe head trauma (yes, we were both wearing helmets!) that she struggles with to this day along with a very messed up back, severe scarring and ligament damage. Her pain follows her everywhere; there is little relief.
I spent months living in a chair in my living room, 24/7, unable to sleep lying down. Even simple trips to the bathroom and back did not occur without excruciating pain. Six weeks after the accident, internal bleeding once again caused my lung to collapse, leading to emergency surgery wherein 2.5 liters of fresh blood and another 1.5 liters of old, congealed blood, was scraped from my lung and extracted from my chest cavity.
Little did I know, I wasn’t ‘out of the woods’ yet. There was more to come.
Two weeks after being released from that hospital stay, I had a pulmonary embolism as a blood clot lodged in my lungs. My blood pressure dropped to 60/40, my veins were collapsing, the EMT couldn’t get an IV started and the decision was made to just load me into the ambulance and get to the hospital stat! On the way the EMT asked if I believed in prayer, saying, “I’ve got to do a blind stick, and if it doesn’t hit, there’s nothing we can do for you.”
We prayed, he stuck, it hit. For the third time in two months I had averted death.
Now, two years later, every morning begins by pulling on a compression sock in an attempt to get blood circulating in my damaged left leg. Without compression the blood pools and the leg swells. It hurts when I hike, work out or ride on an airplane. Because my ribs were shattered, not just broken, they have healed in such a way that I have lost 1.5” of chest cavity, causing further pain when I exert myself and attempt to breathe deeply. My right shoulder has healed deformed (sloped down and forward) and I feel like Quasi Moto in reverse! The damage to my shoulder and middle back causes the muscles between my shoulder blades to spasm if I type, sit, or stand for extended periods of time – which can be quite problematic when I’m giving a lecture.
Each day ends with a spell in the hot-tub just so my muscles can relax and I can sleep. Before my head hits the pillow I take my blood thinning meds enabling my body to keep clots at bay as I continue to live on borrowed time…all because an 18 year old girl in her father’s truck made a careless mistake.
So, when your life has been irreparably damaged, or if you suffer with regret, guilt, loss – how on God’s green earth do you even pretend to have the option of getting a different past?
Hopefully I will have figured this out by Thursday and part II of this post!
6 comments to “Get a New Past (Part I)”
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I knew, but how could I know, of the continued damage in your lives. Thank you for sharing and putting this in the context of presence.
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Tim, whatever you do, please don’t die before Thursday.
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My dear friend Micki ran into a corn field. Maybe we could just get rid of corn. She has constant pain. Essential oils, meditation, yoga, reiki, you name it… in order to get off pain meds. Which reminds me I haven’t called in a while. She talks about the stories we tell ourselves too. She used to feel it was cheating to have a friend come over to do her typing and proofing .. me .. while she cooked a meal for us to have together. I totally laugh at the idea that helping is cheating. She used to say she had OCD and she now says staying occupied is who she is and no longer wears that label, although she has slowed down the incredible activity level lately due to a bout with pneumonia. She says it’s good that the body has its own wisdom and balance enough to take the reigns at times. She used to say she needed to learn nonviolent communication and now she put aside that script for a more open dialogue with listening built in.
I have no idea how she lives her life day to day… how in the world. Except I know that her outlook, her story, is a big part in that.
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I’d only heard the periphery of this story, Tim … I so appreciate being able to hear the rest of the story.
Off to read the Rest.
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Tim,
I had no idea of these residual affects of the accident! Thank you for letting me know more and thank you for sharing your always- rich insights.
I pray for you and Gwynne and wish I could be there to support you.
Hi Tim,
Very much looking forward to seeing part II of this post. I usually don’t have issues with my past- have learned a few lessons in this area- BUT, after reading your post, I’ll NEVER complain again about the “years ago” or my minor aches and pains!
Blessings,
Tom