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If you want to be happy, what do you do? Don’t reflect on this – answer quickly. What are the top three or four things you turn to for happiness?
Indian Buddhist teacher Shantideva wrote,
Although wishing to be rid of misery,
They run towards misery itself.
Although wishing to have happiness,
Like an enemy they ignorantly destroy it.
Shantideva is addressing those persons who believe that to find happiness, they must live ‘into’ themselves, versus ‘out of’ themselves. Most of us would simply label these people as narcissistic – people who are preoccupied with the self or who view life in a self-centered way.
At times, and in certain areas of our lives, I suppose we’re all guilty of this to some extent. However, those who are more compulsive about it are those under discussion in the quote above: They wish to be rid of their misery, but to salve their pain they turn to the very thing that increases it – they turn to the path of seeking their own protection, security, possessions or well-being. And doing so inevitably leads them to insecurity, loneliness and misery.
In contrast, when we approach the world through the ways of love, empathy and compassion for others, suddenly what comes flowing back to us is a river of happiness.
Jesus framed this as finding one’s life by losing it – in other words, life’s true meaning is to live out of ourselves; rather than seeking to gain, we seek to give; rather than seeking to pick and possess the lilies of the field, we instead learn to leave them be, let them live, and enjoy ‘as is.’ (Honey, get that vase out of here!)
This is love – to enjoy people and things where they are and as they are.
By seeking to extend empathy and compassion toward others, we are living into the tension of their lives and embracing them as they are. In essence we are saying, “I affirm your story, your situation, and your infinite worth – regardless of your situation; regardless of whether it makes ‘me’ feel uncomfortable, insecure, etc., I am here for you.”
When someone lives life believing they are empty and must be filled, they cannot have compassion for others because the plight of others makes them feel too threatened; it mirrors the very thing they believe will rob them of happiness – be it poverty, sickness, circumstance or loss.
On the other hand, the person who lives out of themselves realizes that by reaching out to people regardless of where they are along life’s journey, they are doing the very thing that will continue bringing them fullness, joy and contentment.
Today, observe the direction your life leans in search of happiness. Everybody wants the good life; they just don’t always know where to turn for such goodness. Try the paradox of the way of Jesus and see what happiness comes your way – live for out of yourself, for others – and then take note of how it makes you feel.
I’m thinking we’ll all be better for it!
4 comments to “Living Out of Ourselves”
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I love this: “we are living into the tension of their lives and embracing them as they are…” It’s the mission of my life now. I longed for someone to do this for me, growing up…
Don’t you think, sometimes, that our hurts become our strengths (or at least our focus)? I’ve found that to be true in so many instances… -
Tim,
This blog shows the diifference between Compassion and Pity. The Ego wears many masks, thank you for exposing them.
“This is love – to enjoy people and things where they are and as they are.”
including ourselves right? This has been one of my challenges. Finding somewhere in between over estimating or underestimating myself. It’s in those times when there is a sense of connectedness and the deep abiding Presence that exists in all things that we can let go. It’s when I start worrying about how I am (or am not) being perceived that I cease to live out of myself.