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As someone not confrontational by nature, I tend to avoid conflict. It certainly wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I’m tension averse. Ironically, because of this aversion, I can list any number of times that by avoiding entering into tension, the resulting outcome was much worse than if I had! And so I find it a bit ironic that my chosen occupation demands I confront the tension of not wanting to enter into tension by doing just that! I’m starting to sound like the apostle Paul – “that which I do not want to do I do…” Any psychologists out there who can help?
To some degree, I suppose all of us are in the peace and reconciliation business. For instance, who among us hasn’t faced the need to address the periodic tension that occurs in our familial relationships or at work or even play? It’s inevitable – where two or more are gathered together, eventually tension will arise. How we deal with it can bring life or death, healing or hurt, dignity or disaster.
A while back it occurred to me that without the principle of tension not one bridge would remain. Bridges are built upon and stand due to tension. And bridges, I reasoned, are a good thing. Therefore, tension can be good too. And that thought helps me deal a little better with what I now know is an un-get-overable part of life – tension.
I also think that tension must be something ordained by God. Otherwise, wouldn’t we be created without the differences that surely exist between us? Without such differences, we’d be a note rather than a symphony, a lyric without a chorus. And so we’d miss out on the multi-faceted beauty of life – a beauty that more and more I’m coming to see inherent within the concept of ‘mutual modification.’
Mutual modification is just that – one or more people coming together to produce something greater than themselves; something that without the need to modify, would simply be a monotone colorless existence.
But mutual modification takes a lot of communication and effort. It demands a certain sense of ethics and authenticity. In short, it takes the love that does not seek its own, is not arrogant and is empathic enough to consider the other. And in the process, the other grows in value and worth in our eyes as we do in theirs.
I think that what is lacking in the present political discourse is mutual modification. To see just how distant a reality this is we might even evoke the idea of love to make our point – a seeming out of place and absurd idea for politics, eh?
Imagine showing up on the House or Senate floor and announcing a cure-all for battling Republicans and Democrats – “Hey everybody, I’ve figured it out – here’s how we can balance the budget, restore jobs, assist the poor and cut out all of that self-centered bantering and bickering – we just need love.”
Yeah, that’d go over well, wouldn’t it?
Discussions of Love are usually confined to our churches, mosques and synagogues. But I’ve got news for you – if they don’t start entering our political discourse, why worry about the world we’re leaving for our children? There won’t be one.
Do you feel the tension?
8 comments to “Tension Can Be a Good Thing”
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Tim, I certainly can relate. I grew up in a home that was full of tension, my father was a very tense muchof the time a very bitter man. As I look back I know why, but at the time I didn’t understand. My parents were both Deaf and back then the opportunities for them were limited and that created a frustration in my dad that created tension in our home that I didn’t deal with very well.
I still to this day find it very difficult to deal with tension, and truthfully I try my best to avoid it, but when it can’t be avoided I don’t deal with it very well. I know as you say tension can be a good thing if applied properly. I just haven’t been able to apply it properly in my own life. So I try my best to avoid it. Is that a good thing? probably not,
Thanks Tim for posting. -
Love the “mutual modification” concept. I’m intrigued by tension, mostly because I’m still learning how to deal with it. A couple of years ago I read up on the importance of tension in knitting:
http://barefootbohemian.blogspot.com/2008/01/discipline-of-tension.html -
Tension is just context for consciousness and life. If we didn’t have any struggles, how would we exist?
It’s all part of the gift of life. Therefore, we know when tension/struggle arises, it is only the answer preparing to make it’s way. Celebrate adversity in all it’s illusions. Love finds a way. -
Tension … that Divine tightrope … quite literally the “narrow way”.
Narrow like a laser-beam of love, cutting through the egoic confusion-cloud.
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I appreciate the humor you offer to “cut the tension” The bridge analogy is excellent! Tension can be a tool of self examination and growth as it reflects back to us our own truth. Because I’m also “tension averse” when it comes to relationships, I’m anxious to “put it all out on the table” and lovingly bring harmony as quickly as possible…but you can imagine how that goes over with my friends and family that dislike confrontation. Sometimes, it creates more tension!
Nevertheless, mutual modification (delivered through love) as you’ve described it, is not only the path to peace, but the path to liberty …a short term discomfort for a long term benefit. I’m with you on the solution: Love! Do we assume people know what it is? Perhaps that is the real obstacle. Love has become an emotion with lots of conditions, exclusions, & exemptions. It needs to be defiined/described, illustrated, demonstrated in every arena of life not only in ways that can be understood, but in ways that cannot be mis-understood. May we always be asking – “What would Love look like in the midst of this?” -
Awesome Blog Tim!
We can sit around and examine Peace and Reconciliation and study its nature. It is the function of Peace and Reconciliation that I am waiting to see in action. The more I avoid tension,
the more tense I become. It multiplies until I more conflict than I would of ever imagined. Proverbs declares a “soft answer turns away wrath.” It seems that alot of communication is to break down what has been assumed. Most of our tension is communication breakdown, we very seldom hear the heart of someone else.
Amen, brother. In tension, 24/7.