If you want to be happy, what do you do? Don’t reflect on this – answer quickly. What are the top three or four things you turn to for happiness?

Indian Buddhist teacher Shantideva wrote,

Although wishing to be rid of misery,

They run towards misery itself.

Although wishing to have happiness,

Like an enemy they ignorantly destroy it.

Shantideva is addressing those persons who believe that to find happiness, they must live ‘into’ themselves, versus ‘out of’ themselves. Most of us would simply label these people as narcissistic – people who are preoccupied with the self or who view life in a self-centered way. Continue reading…

In our post last week we spoke about unresolved issues that often cause those of us seeking to help and serve others to short-circuit our own effectiveness. In a way, because we have not become conscious of our own pain and internal bankruptcy, we may experience daunting feelings ranging from deep loneliness or alienation to intense burn-out.

So how do we recover? How do we avoid entering into such phases? How do we become living streams that flow into the souls of others who are existentially parched – without causing further damage to ourselves?

I think one of the most effective ways to procure and live out of our inner wealth is by clinging to the path of gratitude. Etymologists tell us that the word ‘grateful’ implies the feeling of fullness and thankfulness for all that is ‘great.’ Dr. Lorne Ladner writes, “As we think of others’ kindness and grow grateful, our feelings of fullness allow our compulsive desires and ego defenses to relax… cultivating gratitude helps us feel more connected to others and also helps us develop feelings of loving affection, compassion, and the wish to repay or pass on the kindness we’ve been shown.” Continue reading…

Developmental psychologists tell us that the process of separation or individuation occurs right around the age of two. This is the time when we begin to gradually recognize that we are separate from others (specifically our mothers) and that we have an existence uniquely our own.

The importance of this stage is seen in that it is a key time (and process) for developing our capacity to know love, relationship and intimacy. It is the time when children become capable of imagination and adept at the process of conceptual empathy. It is also the time we begin to experience some of the darker emotions of life such as envy, fear and hate – just think of the temper tantrums thrown by two year olds and what you’re observing is the angst of the individuation state at full throttle.

The process of individuation can be overwhelming, for sure. But even more so if the process goes awry because the child enters into a ‘stuck-state’ where she embraces the negative side of the process without experiencing the positive one. People who never fully or successfully navigate through this stage often struggle with self-image and are apt to respond to life via negative emotions. The outcome of most of their relationships is predictable and painful to behold, often making them appear as a portrait of instability. Continue reading…

I’m not much for sci-fi movies. Probably because I don’t like being scared. Nope, my ideal movie is a good comedy or perhaps an action type movie with a bit of suspense… “The Bourne Identity” movies work for me or maybe a good western like “Tombstone” or “3:10 to Yuma.”

So it’s surprising that years ago I actually willed myself to go see “Alien” starring Sigourney Weaver. To this day, that film is one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. For my money, it’s a classic. It has all the elements of a good sci-fi flick. There’s the deep darkness of outer space. You have powerful combat troops and high technology juxtaposed to vulnerable children including an adorable little girl named Nute who is just too cute to meet her demise at the hands/paws/claws of a slimy alien with what I imagine to be very bad breath. Continue reading…

I have at least two bigtime passions: My love for music and how deeply it resonates within me, and investing my life working to play a role in creating a tipping point toward world peace. So you can imagine when those two passions combine how moving it is for me. And that is exactly what happens when I listen to The Scorpions song, “Wind of Change.” Continue reading…